They rolled me up in a wheelchair. First down the hall and then into the elevator. It was the largest elevator I had ever seen. It was HUGE. Big enough for a gurney. And several doctors around it. Up we went to the top floor. On the fifth floor we went to the left. To the right was drug rehab. The sign said so. To the left was my unit. The adult locked psych unit. The first thing I noticed were the lack of doorknobs. The second thing was how very thick those door were, once they were open. Two inches at least. And then the sound they made when they closed up behind me as they continued to wheel me through. That final hollow thunk. And of course there were no knobs on the insides of those doors either. But there was an orderly sitting there. Always someone sitting there by the door. Just in case someone tried to run out when the doors were opened for someone else. Sitting there at all times, ‘just in case’. Usually a big guy too.
  We rolled past him to the nurses station.  Stopping there, but only so that the nurse pushing me up could hand me off to another nurse who would push me the rest of the way to my room. At the station we turned left. And down the hall to the very last room on the left. That was going to be my room for now. It was not private, but the other patient had been asked to leave so I could do the ‘intake’. I didn’t like the sound of that. First we had to do a history. Physical and mental. I wasn’t very helpful. I didn’t know anything and I was only fourteen. Then we had to do the strip search. Everything off. Everything. Look for tattoos and scars, birthmarks, bruises I came in with. Any spots. Anywhere at all. The nurse was very nice about it all. But still, very shameful.  The strip search itself only took a few minutes, but it feels like forever when you‘re naked in front of a strange nurse who‘s looking you over like that. When we were done she told me I could get cigarettes and a lighter at the nurses station. They usually had extra. And if they didn’t she would give me a pack of hers. Then she left me to get dressed in my hospital gowns and slippers and robe.
  Appropriately dressed for the venue I was now desperately in need of one of those cigarettes the nurse had promised. So back to the nurses’ station. It turned out that they didn’t have any left over from other patients, long since transferred or been discharged. The nurse was true to her word and gave me a pack of hers. Another nurse gave me a lighter. And so I got a cigarette and a tip that there was some food down the hall in the refrigerator in the community dinning room.  Not much. Ice cream. I took it. I had missed dinner. Thanks to the ER doctor that didn’t want to admit me and start my hold today. That was why it took them so long. That was why they made me wait. With no food.  I found some packets of hot chocolate as well. And as it turns out, spoonfuls of ice cream dipped in hot chocolate are a pretty good dinner.
  There were people sitting at the tv in the community dinning room and people sitting at the tv in the area just off the nurses station. I had no where to go to be left alone. There were already people everywhere. Strange people. Scary people. They were all psycho. I didn’t want to be near them. But I couldn’t get away from them. I didn’t want to be one of them. I went back to my room.
  In my room was Rose. She was going to be my new roommate. At least for a little while. She was eighty, at least. And felt a need to complain to me about everything and everyone, including me. She complained mostly about how dirty everyone was and how she had to clean up after them. I just listened. Then I went and got another cigarette. I didn’t know what else to do with myself.  I discovered the room across from the dinning room. It had no tv or refrigerator. Just couches and tables and chairs. And windows that looked out on the Cincinnati skyline. And best of all, no one was in it. Probably because it had no tv or refrigerator. I could stand on the couch and stare at that skyline for a long time, all by myself and no one bothered me in there. The door leading in was right next to the orderly by the door and he looked in every now and then, but that was the only other person to even notice I was in there.  It was a large room, but I had it all to myself. There was that, and pacing. I did a lot of pacing. I did a lot of pacing that long hallway and both the hallway that crossed it at the top, making a capital T.
  Finally it was time to go to bed. Eleven thirty. Later than the drug rehab. Different rules here. And now I had to take a medicine? I didn’t even know what it was. Zanax? What was it for? What was wrong with me that I needed medication? I was told I would see the doctor the next day. But now I had to go to bed, they said. I was plenty tired. I had only had a short nap in the ER while waiting on the second doctor, the psychiatrist. And I had only had three hours sleep the night before in the runaway center. I had never been so happy to have a day end.